At the end of a long, stressful day at the office, sometimes the only cure is to come home from work, feed my fuzzy children and plop down on the couch with my NetFlix. I searched my instant queue for something a little different and came across a flick called CrazyLove. The brief synopsis was intriguing, but I ended up getting much more than I bargained for.
Letty is very much a super woman. She is the one that everyone turns to for help, and she allows herself to take on her life and everyone else’s. During a dinner party, her OCD kicks in when she realizes that she didn’t buy the correct olives for the martinis and makes a mad dash to the store where she proceeds to have a massive breakdown, complete with throwing jars of olives at anyone who tries to calm her down. Her family checks her into a psychiatric hospital where the current “vacationers” take bets on her diagnosis (manic depression with OCD tendencies). Throughout the course of the movie she learns how to accept and deal with her situation and falls in love with a fellow patient. I’ll stop there…don’t want to spoil it for those of you who are chomping at the bit. Watch it…I promise you’ll enjoy it! If you don’t, I’ll bake you cookies or something.
Now for the harsh reality… this movie hit VERY close to home with me. For those of you that aren’t aware, I too suffered an intense breakdown almost two years ago. I didn’t pitch groceries, but it was the smallest little thing that made me snap. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to do the dishes or work out… so I just sat on the couch and cried hysterically. I know it sounds really silly, but I just couldn’t bring myself to make another decision. I was in an unhealthy marriage, deep in debt, losing my house, and dealing with some other medical “scares”. I couldn’t concentrate at work because my brain was moving a mile a minute. I felt like such a failure. It was then and there that I realized I needed help. The next day I called around looking to find a psychologist. I needed someone to talk to that was neutral and could help me figure out WTF was going on.
Let me pause here and say that there is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with seeking medical help. I’m not really a big one with doctors or medications, but, I’m telling you, it’s a MUCH better alternative than making yourself worse by not seeking assistance! I’m not ashamed to admit that I went in to her office and cried for the first couple of sessions. I took the fancy-shmancy test, and she told me I had mild depression, not so mild anxiety and OCD tendencies. I worried too much about pleasing other people and putting their needs ahead of mine. I’ve always been that way, never put myself first. I went in once a week for seven months and OMG did I learn a lot! I think one of the most insightful things I learned…. I AM NOT ALONE!
I don’t think that I will ever be fully “cured”. I still have some blah days and sometimes I over-organize or try to control things a little more than I should, but I have the knowledge to accept that it is a part of who I am. I can recognize the signals and take appropriate steps to avoid a reaction that isn’t healthy. I have realized how strong of a woman I truly am, and it’s an amazing feeling! It hasn’t been easy, that’s for sure! I do not regret for one second that I admitted that I couldn’t do everything on my own. Nobody can get through life without a solid support system, and my family and friends rock my stripey socks! I cannot thank them enough for the late night phone calls and texting sessions to help me get through my tough times. Mad love to each and every one of you! You will always hold a very special place in my life, and I will be there for you as you are for me. MUAH!!!
Current Read: The Vampire of Venice Beach by Jennifer Colt
Current Tunes: Come of Get Higher by Matt Nathanson
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